hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
