all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
