But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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