I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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