You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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