if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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