his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
