Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
