I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
