I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
