Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
