Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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