after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
