If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone came in the potted fern
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
