I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
