its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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