matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize