i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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