Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
