my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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