Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
