You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
