You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize