My cat gives me a boner
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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