I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
