just tell him i said nine months
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
