when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
