I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
worst night to have a conscience
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
