I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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