He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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