the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
