I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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