I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
