Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
