Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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