My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The air was thick with penises
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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