it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
