The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
