your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
