we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
