i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
