My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize