Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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