I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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