it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize