Duck Duck Cougar?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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