so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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