I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
