I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
