We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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