awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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