1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
