You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
