if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
