ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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