we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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