I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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