We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
