Just fell off a train. Bad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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