Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
