my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
