So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
