why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
