apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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