Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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