I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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