I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize