paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
