So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
